What's all the fuss about, we may ask, when reading of the Peter Cruddas resignation and the tales of exactly how the UK governing class are said to be interacting with those who finance their hopes of re-election? Isn't that what politicians do? Of course, there may be no defending the attributed comments as to how much cash would be necessary to rub shoulders at the highest level, but it all has an air of farce about it. A tale of merriment for the coming of spring. Which neatly leads into a parody of Poisoning Pigeons In The Park, one of Tom Lehrer's finest works: -
Spring is here, spring is here
Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time of the year
Is the spring. I do. Don't you? Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me
That makes every springtime a treat for me
All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon
When we're dining with donors in Downing Street
Every weekend you'll see
My Chancellor and me
As we're dining with donors in Downing Street
When we see them coming
We really should try and hide
But we still go for wallets
With great power to buy inside
The future is bright
Everything seems so right
When we're dining with donors in Downing Street
We've gained notoriety
And caused much anxiety
In ordinary society
With our games
They call it impiety
And lack of propriety
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names
But we care not a jot for these moaners
When we're wining and dining the donors
So if Sunday you're free
You'll see George, Sam and me
When we're dining with donors in Downing Street
And we'll set a pew
For a tycoon or two
When we're dining with donors in Downing Street
We'll rake in their cash amid laughter and merriment -
The logical sequel to Labour's experiment -
Our pulse will go funny
When we're shown the money
Ignoring the groaners
The whingers and moaners
We're dining the donors in Downing Street!
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Born on 19 March - Me and Who Else?
Today (assuming the time delayed posting system works) (PS: no it doesn't) is the occasion of a milestone birthday. Out of curiosity, who shares it?
Of the living, it seems that Bruce Willis and Glenn Close – two distinguished but very different members of the film industry – are the most famous individuals born on 19 March and still alive. Not that I’ve ever been tempted to boil a rabbit, of course, but the Die Hard series has always been a favourite.
Then we have Patrick McGoohan, most famous for The Prisoner and the symbolic cry “I am not a number. I am a free man!” Yes, there’s a good one. An absolute paragon of the nonconformist, maverick, free thinker who would have been a perfect character for Hatred, Ridicule & Contempt if the fictional firm of Thornbury & Summerson had been riddled with control freaks, spy cameras and a managing partner who called himself Number 2.
And just as notable here is the explorer David Livingstone, the first European to view Victoria Falls. Quite a coincidence, really. If all goes to plan I will have just seen Victoria Falls before arriving in South Africa for the day itself. A game drive and a pint - what could be better?
Of the living, it seems that Bruce Willis and Glenn Close – two distinguished but very different members of the film industry – are the most famous individuals born on 19 March and still alive. Not that I’ve ever been tempted to boil a rabbit, of course, but the Die Hard series has always been a favourite.
Then we have Patrick McGoohan, most famous for The Prisoner and the symbolic cry “I am not a number. I am a free man!” Yes, there’s a good one. An absolute paragon of the nonconformist, maverick, free thinker who would have been a perfect character for Hatred, Ridicule & Contempt if the fictional firm of Thornbury & Summerson had been riddled with control freaks, spy cameras and a managing partner who called himself Number 2.
And just as notable here is the explorer David Livingstone, the first European to view Victoria Falls. Quite a coincidence, really. If all goes to plan I will have just seen Victoria Falls before arriving in South Africa for the day itself. A game drive and a pint - what could be better?
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
Hatred, Ridicule & Contempt: The Editor Strikes Back
Black Country Herald editor Bill Holroyd is in the witness box, undergoing cross-examination from Noel Adams QC on behalf of Jonjo Donnelly...
“Please wait there, Mr Holroyd.”
Campbell had finished guiding the editor through his main statement, and the supplementary statement that had been assembled in his name to introduce and explain the press reports on the libel actions that he had seen off at trial in his earlier career. Adams stood up to resume his duties on behalf of Donnelly, and after a few points of minor clarification and historical enquiry he moved on to a line of questioning that had arisen in the course of Tedd’s evidence. Alex had noted that it was unlikely to have been forgotten and hoped that Holroyd was well prepared to meet it.
“Is it correct, Mr Holroyd, that you had a framed quotation on your wall that spoke of embellishing news?”
Holroyd paused, knowing in his own mind that this issue had been almost certain to come up after first seeing the light of day in Tedd’s evidence. He was still left wondering, without any likelihood of an answer, how the manner in which he had decorated his old office had come to the attention of his opponents.
“Yes, I did.”
“And the text of the quotation ran ‘Emphasise the sensational. Elaborate on the facts. Manufacture the news. Use games and contests to sell papers’?”
“That’s correct, as far as I recall.” Holroyd wondered if the issue would be left at that, as Alex had thought it might, in which case he would anticipate a re-examination question from Campbell at the end. But it was not to be. And Holroyd was going to have his moment.
“So these were clearly principles that you set out to follow in your career as a tabloid editor, then?”
“I was only following one principle, actually.”
“And what was that?”
“It was the principle of never antagonising my employer. The owner of the paper brought that back from the Hearst Castle in California and had it framed for my birthday. What you are speaking of is a quotation from a newspaper baron called William Randolph Hearst.”
It was clear to Alex that the editor had struck an unexpected and effective blow. There had been a snigger from the direction of the jury, quickly suppressed with one glance from the judge. Adams waited for silence to prevail again. If he had made a mistake, he did not let it show.
“Let us move on to another feature of your career as a tabloid editor…”
But did Holroyd's success in the first skirmish lead to overall victory in the legal battle? To find out, click here...
“Please wait there, Mr Holroyd.”
Campbell had finished guiding the editor through his main statement, and the supplementary statement that had been assembled in his name to introduce and explain the press reports on the libel actions that he had seen off at trial in his earlier career. Adams stood up to resume his duties on behalf of Donnelly, and after a few points of minor clarification and historical enquiry he moved on to a line of questioning that had arisen in the course of Tedd’s evidence. Alex had noted that it was unlikely to have been forgotten and hoped that Holroyd was well prepared to meet it.
“Is it correct, Mr Holroyd, that you had a framed quotation on your wall that spoke of embellishing news?”
Holroyd paused, knowing in his own mind that this issue had been almost certain to come up after first seeing the light of day in Tedd’s evidence. He was still left wondering, without any likelihood of an answer, how the manner in which he had decorated his old office had come to the attention of his opponents.
“Yes, I did.”
“And the text of the quotation ran ‘Emphasise the sensational. Elaborate on the facts. Manufacture the news. Use games and contests to sell papers’?”
“That’s correct, as far as I recall.” Holroyd wondered if the issue would be left at that, as Alex had thought it might, in which case he would anticipate a re-examination question from Campbell at the end. But it was not to be. And Holroyd was going to have his moment.
“So these were clearly principles that you set out to follow in your career as a tabloid editor, then?”
“I was only following one principle, actually.”
“And what was that?”
“It was the principle of never antagonising my employer. The owner of the paper brought that back from the Hearst Castle in California and had it framed for my birthday. What you are speaking of is a quotation from a newspaper baron called William Randolph Hearst.”
It was clear to Alex that the editor had struck an unexpected and effective blow. There had been a snigger from the direction of the jury, quickly suppressed with one glance from the judge. Adams waited for silence to prevail again. If he had made a mistake, he did not let it show.
“Let us move on to another feature of your career as a tabloid editor…”
But did Holroyd's success in the first skirmish lead to overall victory in the legal battle? To find out, click here...
Tuesday, 6 March 2012
Matt Cardle On Tour - with Roxanne Emery
OK, no gratuitous plug for Hatred, Ridicule & Contempt this time. Just a review of a memorable show at Birmingham Symphony Hall, starring a modest, all round nice bloke with what should be a long and successful musical career ahead of him.
So what's special about Matt Cardle? Isn't he just another X Factor clone, some might ask? Well, no. The TV episode when he played the acoustic guitar to "Hit Me Baby One More Time" was clearly just a prelude to his ability to hold his own on the electric with his band - think Bryan Adams. And indeed to dust down the acoustic once more for the unaccompanied encore "When We Collide". And he writes his own songs. Oh yes, and there's always the voice.
Let's keep an eye out for Roxanne Emery too. With all due credit to the many female singers who have also emerged from The X Factor, how many of them are known for their guitar skills when fronting a band? No bored indifference for this support act.
Keep it up, both of you. Modern music needs more people like Matt Cardle and Roxanne Emery.
So what's special about Matt Cardle? Isn't he just another X Factor clone, some might ask? Well, no. The TV episode when he played the acoustic guitar to "Hit Me Baby One More Time" was clearly just a prelude to his ability to hold his own on the electric with his band - think Bryan Adams. And indeed to dust down the acoustic once more for the unaccompanied encore "When We Collide". And he writes his own songs. Oh yes, and there's always the voice.
Let's keep an eye out for Roxanne Emery too. With all due credit to the many female singers who have also emerged from The X Factor, how many of them are known for their guitar skills when fronting a band? No bored indifference for this support act.
Keep it up, both of you. Modern music needs more people like Matt Cardle and Roxanne Emery.
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Zdravstvuite, Russian Visitors
How interesting to note from Blogger stats that a number of site visits appear to have originated in Russia. Excuse lack of Cyrillic script, to say nothing of the fact that Hatred, Ridicule & Contempt is not yet available in Russian, but a warm welcome anyway.
It’s a real sign of the changing world. Who would have thought that a former sworn enemy of the West, and follower of a backward discredited political and economic system, would transform into an emerging market and treasure house of valuable resources in such a short space of time, thanks to Gorbachev, Yeltsin and (credit where credit’s due) Putin? It might once have been considered about as likely as German hard rockers The Scorpions securing their greatest worldwide hit with “Wind of Change”, a rock ballad all about their own experience of Russia after the Iron Curtain had rusted away. Or Russian billionaires buying English football clubs. Or heavyweight boxing being dominated by the Klitschko brothers from the Ukraine.
Almost as unlikely, all considered, as print books being challenged for market domination by electronic reading devices.
It’s a real sign of the changing world. Who would have thought that a former sworn enemy of the West, and follower of a backward discredited political and economic system, would transform into an emerging market and treasure house of valuable resources in such a short space of time, thanks to Gorbachev, Yeltsin and (credit where credit’s due) Putin? It might once have been considered about as likely as German hard rockers The Scorpions securing their greatest worldwide hit with “Wind of Change”, a rock ballad all about their own experience of Russia after the Iron Curtain had rusted away. Or Russian billionaires buying English football clubs. Or heavyweight boxing being dominated by the Klitschko brothers from the Ukraine.
Almost as unlikely, all considered, as print books being challenged for market domination by electronic reading devices.
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Frankie Ballard, Country Artist, Rock Artist: What's In A Label?
Last June my wife and I went to the Grand Ole Opry show in Nashville, as the concierge at the Hermitage Hotel had recommended. Great evening. A variety of musical acts ranging from Wee Jimmy Dicken – still telling Viagra jokes and performing on stage at the age of 90 – to a new up and coming guitarist. A singer/songwriter by the name of Frankie Ballard.
He may only have had time to play a couple of songs, but even in that brief performance there was something that stood out. The confident swagger of a young man not remotely overawed by the venue? The refreshing change of upbeat guitar driven songs rather than talent show clones and thudding disco beats? Whatever the case, we left the show wondering whether it was too far fetched to think that we might have had our first experience of a new Bruce Springsteen. And eagerly awaiting his debut album.
It finally reached iTunes in October. It was well worth the wait. Only 8 songs, but shades of Lynyrd Skynyrd, ZZ Top, even Bon Jovi. Not forgetting Springsteen, of course. And this was a debut album. Talk about future promise.
But he was performing in Nashville, you may say, at the home of country music. Doesn’t that make him a country artist? Well, he is labelled that way in the US. And there is no denying the occasional country twang on the album, even if banjos, fiddles and cries of Yee-Ha are pretty much conspicuous only by their absence. But if you put him on stage at a UK event such as V-Festival, lining up alongside rock bands, no one would be any the wiser – and many would be all the happier for having heard him.
So what’s in a label? Perhaps just this. If Frankie Ballard is tagged as a country artist for the UK music buying and concert attending public, he may struggle for recognition. But a subtle change of label to rock could ensure that when guitar driven music comes back into favour in the UK, there is a ready made audience for him.
I am mindful of a parallel with the theme and subject matter of Hatred, Ridicule and Contempt and its central character Alex Harris. In the UK his proper professional label is solicitor, not lawyer or attorney. But the label might not be immediately familiar to US readers. Indeed, as I recall from seeing the notice “No Solicitors Allowed” on the door of a Las Vegas casino many years ago, the term can be quite properly used there to describe a hawker or a beggar. So my cover description refers to his “law firm” and avoids what could be a misleading label.
And in the meantime let’s hope for the first UK tour of the new US rock
artist Frankie Ballard.
He may only have had time to play a couple of songs, but even in that brief performance there was something that stood out. The confident swagger of a young man not remotely overawed by the venue? The refreshing change of upbeat guitar driven songs rather than talent show clones and thudding disco beats? Whatever the case, we left the show wondering whether it was too far fetched to think that we might have had our first experience of a new Bruce Springsteen. And eagerly awaiting his debut album.
It finally reached iTunes in October. It was well worth the wait. Only 8 songs, but shades of Lynyrd Skynyrd, ZZ Top, even Bon Jovi. Not forgetting Springsteen, of course. And this was a debut album. Talk about future promise.
But he was performing in Nashville, you may say, at the home of country music. Doesn’t that make him a country artist? Well, he is labelled that way in the US. And there is no denying the occasional country twang on the album, even if banjos, fiddles and cries of Yee-Ha are pretty much conspicuous only by their absence. But if you put him on stage at a UK event such as V-Festival, lining up alongside rock bands, no one would be any the wiser – and many would be all the happier for having heard him.
So what’s in a label? Perhaps just this. If Frankie Ballard is tagged as a country artist for the UK music buying and concert attending public, he may struggle for recognition. But a subtle change of label to rock could ensure that when guitar driven music comes back into favour in the UK, there is a ready made audience for him.
I am mindful of a parallel with the theme and subject matter of Hatred, Ridicule and Contempt and its central character Alex Harris. In the UK his proper professional label is solicitor, not lawyer or attorney. But the label might not be immediately familiar to US readers. Indeed, as I recall from seeing the notice “No Solicitors Allowed” on the door of a Las Vegas casino many years ago, the term can be quite properly used there to describe a hawker or a beggar. So my cover description refers to his “law firm” and avoids what could be a misleading label.
And in the meantime let’s hope for the first UK tour of the new US rock
artist Frankie Ballard.
Friday, 17 February 2012
Hatred, Ridicule and Contempt: The Plaintiff Is Cross-Examined
Former star footballer turned charity organiser Jonjo Donnelly is in the witness box, undergoing cross-examination from Thomas Campbell QC on behalf of the Black Country Herald...
Once more Campbell let Donnelly’s uncomfortable silence answer the question before moving onto the details of the visit scheduled for the following day.
“So you only found out on the previous evening that the Suba-Mocanu Institute was in fact some form of isolation facility that could not receive visitors?”
“Yes, that's right.”
“What made you select this institute for a charity drop in the first place?” Campbell knew that he could not anticipate the answer to such a question, but was thinking well ahead in asking it. Donnelly paused for a little longer than usual.
“I'd asked for details of orphanages in need of aid supplies, within reasonable striking distance of Bucharest, so that I could draw up a shortlist. Er... The Romanian embassy in London gave me all the details.”
“Did it not occur to you to make sure that the intended recipients of your gifts were in a position to welcome their distributors in the normal way?”
“I assumed that if the embassy had given me the right information, everything would be in order. With the benefit of hindsight, I wouldn’t have been making a drop there.”
“You assumed again. You didn't make sure?”
Once more, only silence in reply. Behind counsels’ row, Holroyd leaned over in Alex's direction and made a whispered comment to the effect that he was not surprised that Donnelly had been reluctant to defend the mission’s organisation.
“So you decided, after hearing this news about Suba-Mocanu, that you would look after that delivery alone?”
“Yes, just me and my two personal assistants.”
“Was it not unusual, in the circumstances, to have made that journey without any of your drivers?” Campbell had thought a great deal about this aspect of the story in his preparation. While the underlying anomalies would provide scope for pointed questions upon the implications of finding this out, there was still something that did not add up about the entire account of that leg of the mission. However, he knew that there was no advantage in leading the judge and jury too far down the road of mere speculation.
“I thought about it. It was all on main roads, so I knew that I could keep the number of visitors to an absolute minimum without any real difficulty.”
“Could the Institute not have arranged to collect the supplies from the hotel, if they were that concerned about visitors?”
“Well, maybe they could, but they agreed to what I proposed.”
“And yet you did not tell the driver that you were going to go off with his lorry, in the small hours of the following morning?”
“We left him a note. By the time we found out about the problems with the Institute, it was too late to break the news.”
“Too late?” This even appeared to take Campbell by surprise for a moment, but he found a telling response. “You just told us that you had to call off a social evening for the group because of what you had found out. If that really was the case, surely you could have told the driver much earlier?”
Donnelly seemed to bite back the response that he had been about to make. Nervously, he flicked through the pages of his statement. From his vantage point, the judge seemed to be giving Donnelly a hard look. Campbell tried another prompt.
“Which way do you want it?”
After a period of silence more prolonged than any so far, Donnelly put the bundle of statements aside.
“I suppose I must have made a mistake.”
“A mistake. And what about the fact that the overland party were left at the hostel all morning, without any information as to what was going on?”
“I'm sure that I left a message explaining what would be happening that morning.”
“With whom did you leave the message?”
“Er... I can’t remember. As I’ve said, hindsight’s a wonderful thing, but we wouldn’t have arranged to go there if I’d known.”
Campbell took his point to have been adequately made and moved on...
So what was going on in Romania? And what made Donnelly take such offence at what was published in the newspaper? To find out, click here...
Once more Campbell let Donnelly’s uncomfortable silence answer the question before moving onto the details of the visit scheduled for the following day.
“So you only found out on the previous evening that the Suba-Mocanu Institute was in fact some form of isolation facility that could not receive visitors?”
“Yes, that's right.”
“What made you select this institute for a charity drop in the first place?” Campbell knew that he could not anticipate the answer to such a question, but was thinking well ahead in asking it. Donnelly paused for a little longer than usual.
“I'd asked for details of orphanages in need of aid supplies, within reasonable striking distance of Bucharest, so that I could draw up a shortlist. Er... The Romanian embassy in London gave me all the details.”
“Did it not occur to you to make sure that the intended recipients of your gifts were in a position to welcome their distributors in the normal way?”
“I assumed that if the embassy had given me the right information, everything would be in order. With the benefit of hindsight, I wouldn’t have been making a drop there.”
“You assumed again. You didn't make sure?”
Once more, only silence in reply. Behind counsels’ row, Holroyd leaned over in Alex's direction and made a whispered comment to the effect that he was not surprised that Donnelly had been reluctant to defend the mission’s organisation.
“So you decided, after hearing this news about Suba-Mocanu, that you would look after that delivery alone?”
“Yes, just me and my two personal assistants.”
“Was it not unusual, in the circumstances, to have made that journey without any of your drivers?” Campbell had thought a great deal about this aspect of the story in his preparation. While the underlying anomalies would provide scope for pointed questions upon the implications of finding this out, there was still something that did not add up about the entire account of that leg of the mission. However, he knew that there was no advantage in leading the judge and jury too far down the road of mere speculation.
“I thought about it. It was all on main roads, so I knew that I could keep the number of visitors to an absolute minimum without any real difficulty.”
“Could the Institute not have arranged to collect the supplies from the hotel, if they were that concerned about visitors?”
“Well, maybe they could, but they agreed to what I proposed.”
“And yet you did not tell the driver that you were going to go off with his lorry, in the small hours of the following morning?”
“We left him a note. By the time we found out about the problems with the Institute, it was too late to break the news.”
“Too late?” This even appeared to take Campbell by surprise for a moment, but he found a telling response. “You just told us that you had to call off a social evening for the group because of what you had found out. If that really was the case, surely you could have told the driver much earlier?”
Donnelly seemed to bite back the response that he had been about to make. Nervously, he flicked through the pages of his statement. From his vantage point, the judge seemed to be giving Donnelly a hard look. Campbell tried another prompt.
“Which way do you want it?”
After a period of silence more prolonged than any so far, Donnelly put the bundle of statements aside.
“I suppose I must have made a mistake.”
“A mistake. And what about the fact that the overland party were left at the hostel all morning, without any information as to what was going on?”
“I'm sure that I left a message explaining what would be happening that morning.”
“With whom did you leave the message?”
“Er... I can’t remember. As I’ve said, hindsight’s a wonderful thing, but we wouldn’t have arranged to go there if I’d known.”
Campbell took his point to have been adequately made and moved on...
So what was going on in Romania? And what made Donnelly take such offence at what was published in the newspaper? To find out, click here...
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