tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86484817391511865232024-02-07T03:09:05.684+00:00David Cooper BooksDavid Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.comBlogger140125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-5204941102610374312021-12-23T11:55:00.005+00:002021-12-23T11:55:48.909+00:00Free Book Promotion for Christmas<p>Free 5 day promotion for Craven Conflict as from Christmas Eve: -</p><p><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Craven-Conflict-David-Cooper-ebook/dp/B015GGRUBE/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8">Craven-Conflict</a><br /></p><p>Free Christmas promotion - ongoing - via Smashwords for Hatred Ridicule & Contempt and Infernal Coalition: -</p><p><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/335410">Hatred Ridicule & Contempt</a><br /></p><p><a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/301537">Infernal Coalition</a><br /></p><p>Click on the links for a free download via the Kindle Store or via Smashwords.</p>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-25809139020687496932020-12-05T19:21:00.002+00:002020-12-05T19:21:53.447+00:00A Christmas Parody: When A Scare Is Born<p> Time for a topical seasonal parody, regressing 44 years to 1976. This was not a vintage year for Christmas singles. Jethro Tull made a futile pitch for rural credibility with “Ring Out Solstice Bells”, and the least said about the irritating novelty song “Bionic Santa”, the better. This left Johnny Mathis with a clear run for No 1, never realising that one of his biggest fans would turn out to be Gerald the Gorilla from Not The Nine O’Clock News. As the Professor complained, “You’re not kidding, are you. ‘When A Child Is Born’ blaring out at all hours when I’m downstairs trying to do some work…” The song did, of course, seek to convey a message of hope. Here in 2020, as Christmas struggles to make its way past weeks and months of overreaction and exaggeration, a message of despair is a more symbolic choice: -</p><p><br /></p><p>A length of rope dangles from the sky<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span></p><p>A mighty scar blights from way up high<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span></p><p>All across the land, freedoms are withdrawn<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span></p><p>This comes to pass when a scare is born<span style="white-space: pre;"> </span></p><p><br /></p><p>A silent threat sails the seven seas</p><p>Foul winds of change, fuelled by the Chinese</p><p>Made our ruling class crumble, tossed and torn</p><p>This comes to pass when a scare is born</p><p><br /></p><p>A gloomy view settles all around</p><p>They can’t reveal they’re on shaky ground</p><p>In a spell or two, all are made forlorn</p><p>This comes to pass when a scare is born</p><p><br /></p><p>To save their face, they imposed lockdown</p><p>With their fake tiers, built the new ghost town</p><p>They’re all comfortable, we’re all overdrawn</p><p>This comes to pass when a scare is born</p><p><br /></p><p>And all of this happens because the world is cowering</p><p>Cowering from one virus</p><p>Bats, labs, whatever, no one knows</p><p>But a virus that was hyped up to turn livelihood to ruin, </p><p>Hope to fear, pleasure to pain and quality of life to mere existence</p><p>And misery and suffering will be words to be inflicted, forever</p><p><br /></p><p>It’s a bad dream, deep confusion now</p><p>Can we come through, sometime soon somehow</p><p>All across the land, dawns a time to mourn</p><p>This comes to pass when a scare is born</p><p><br /></p><p>(The original, of course, only had three verses before the spoken bridge. I could not resist hammering the underlying message home by adding the fourth.)</p>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-28754949939431911122020-11-27T08:23:00.000+00:002020-11-27T08:23:14.393+00:00If Chris Whitty may be likened unto Rasputin...<p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">As ministers continue to dance to
the tune of charlatans – excuse me, expert scientists – in their inexplicable
war on the economy and quality of life, we could be forgiven for thinking that
the latter’s influence over the former echoes that of a notorious mad monk over
the imperial Russian court just over a hundred years ago. If we may liken the
ascetic yet sanctimonious Professor Chris Whitty to Rasputin – and I think we
may – there is at least some wry humour (and wishful thinking) to be gleaned
from revisiting a cheesy 70s disco classic. The accompanying Boney M video is
so bad it's brilliant…<o:p></o:p></p><p><br /></p><p>There lived a certain man, in Britain here and now</p><p>He was pink of face, not much hair above his brow</p><p>Most people look at him with hatred and with fear</p><p>As he tells the pubs they must pour away their beer</p><p>He can preach statistics like a preacher</p><p>Full of doom and gloom and fire</p><p>Wielding power as Matthew Hancock’s teacher – </p><p>“Drag them through the mire”</p><p><br /></p><p>Chris, Chris, Chris Whitty</p><p>Slammed us under lock and key</p><p>There is a prat who really is gone</p><p>Chris, Chris, Chris Whitty</p><p>Britain’s greatest harm machine</p><p>It’s a disgrace how he’s carried on</p><p><br /></p><p>He rules with Pat Vallance, and never mind the Queen</p><p>With their charts and slides, spreading doom that’s quite obscene</p><p>In all affairs of state, he never needs to please</p><p>He’ll just devastate with an economic squeeze</p><p>For the NHS, a propaganda squealer</p><p>Though we knew the harm he’d done</p><p>Boris still thought that he was a healer</p><p>Who’d make Covid run</p><p><br /></p><p>[Chorus]</p><p><br /></p><p>But when his blinking and blustering and his hunger for lockdowns</p><p>Destroyed quality of life for more and more people</p><p>The demands to do something about this outrageous man</p><p>Became louder and louder</p><p><br /></p><p>“This man’s just go to go”, the call from some MPs</p><p>But the leaders begged, “Don’t you doubt his wisdom, please”</p><p>From lockdown fan Whitty, his doctrine of alarm</p><p>“You must find a cure, or you’ll come to too much harm”</p><p>Then one night, some men of higher standing</p><p>Found a really cunning plan</p><p>“You all need a guinea pig for treatment –</p><p>We know just the man”</p><p><br /></p><p>Chris, Chris, Chris Whitty</p><p>Slammed us under lock and key</p><p>They fired the vaccine into his veins</p><p>Chris, Chris, Chris Whitty</p><p>Britain’s greatest harm machine</p><p>It froze him stiff and shredded his brains</p><p>Chris, Chris, Chris Whitty</p><p>Slammed us under lock and key</p><p>Upon a plate, we wanted his head</p><p>Chris, Chris, Chris Whitty</p><p>Britain’s greatest harm machine</p><p>So Boris sacked him and left him for dead</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SYnVYJDxu2Q" width="320" youtube-src-id="SYnVYJDxu2Q"></iframe></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>Oh, those experts</p>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-16936071748194720752020-11-27T07:41:00.000+00:002020-11-27T07:41:15.003+00:00Black Friday - In Seasonal Song<p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Even the most ardent
Americanophile will concede that not all US exports have been welcome. We only
need think of school proms, rap music and political correctness. Not forgetting
the worst of all, the artificial designation of a November date as a trigger
for reckless expenditure, fuelled by retailers’ self serving clarion calls that
seem to precede the date for weeks on end. I refer, of course, to Black Friday.
It’s today, so we are informed (fancy that, I never suspected). At least it did
not exist in 1973, when it might have inspired Brummie legend Roy Wood to write
an entirely different festive song: -</span></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When the salesman brings the sale<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When he just wants more retail<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He’s put a great big hole in your bank account today<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If the shops fill you with dread<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Adverts pounding through your head<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Go home and lock your doors, you know the marketing
whores are on their way<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well I wish we could abolish Black Friday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When we buy loads of rubbish, then we throw the lot
away<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well I wish we could abolish Black Friday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s when the tills ring out for Christmas<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When you’re skating on thin ice<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">At the all too tempting price<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And the rosy ads help you on your reckless way - <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now the overdrafts appear<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And they’ve frozen you with fear<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But you’ll log on and shop and pretend you can wish
them all away<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well I wish we could abolish Black Friday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When we spend too much money and regret it the next
day<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well I wish we could abolish Black Friday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s when the tills ring out for Christmas<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When the salesman brings the sale<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When he just wants more retail<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He’s put a great big hole in your bank account today<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So if Amazon bring their sleigh<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And you’ve spent your hard earned pay<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You’ll kick yourself for the money that you’ve lost,
‘cause there’s sales on Christmas Day<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well I wish we could abolish Black Friday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When we’ve maxed out our credit cards in wanton
disarray<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well I wish we could abolish Black Friday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s when the tills ring out for Christmas<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well I wish we could abolish Black Friday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When we know two days later it’s Send It Back Sunday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well I wish we could abolish Black Friday<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s when the tills ring out for Christmas<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Why must those tills ring out for Christmas?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">(The accompanying clip throws some light on the song’s
creation, illustrated with Top of the Pops footage and some grim shots of 70s
Birmingham.)</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/04tweKP9JLw" width="320" youtube-src-id="04tweKP9JLw"></iframe></div><br /> <o:p></o:p><p></p><br /><p></p>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-34913680442255048722020-09-18T19:41:00.001+01:002020-09-18T19:41:07.041+01:00If You're Going To Shop In Tesco: Another Song for Covid-19<p><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #050505; line-height: 200%;">We
now hear that Van Morrison, a musician perhaps not best known for his sunny
disposition or sense of humour, has written a trilogy of songs in which he
leaves his antipathy to lockdown and related anti-Covid measures completely
beyond doubt. An entirely legitimate view, of course. However, while the
embittered and the heartfelt plea types of protest song are long established,
they are not necessarily the best medicine in these ludicrous times. Laughter,
via parodies, might just have the edge.</span><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #050505; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="background: white; color: #050505; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 200%;"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif; line-height: 200%;">Fifty three years ago, the Summer of
Love was memorably reflected in Scott McKenzie’s best selling single “San
Francisco”. How might he have commemorated this year’s Summer of Fear? Maybe
like this…<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 200%; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: "inherit",serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Segoe UI Historic"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">If you’re going to shop in Tesco<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Be sure to wear a cover on your face<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">If you’re lacking a mask in Tesco<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Wagging fingers will signal deep disgrace<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">For those who come to their local Tesco<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Summertime will be an ordeal there<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">In the aisles of downtown Tesco<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Frightened people who cower in despair<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">All across the nation<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Chronic aggravation<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Deep in commotion<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Resigned capitulation<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">To asphyxiation<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Shuffling motion<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Devoid of emotion<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Be it Sainsburys or be it Tesco<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Petty rules will make you tear your hair<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Asda, Waitrose, and Lidl and Tesco<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Quality of life just can’t be purchased there<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Will we ever return to our local Tesco<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Muzzle free, and feeling happiness<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Or will we abandon the likes of Tesco<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Buy it all online, and save ourselves the stress<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">All across the nation<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Resentment and frustration<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Deep in commotion<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">No common sense explanation<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">For this abomination<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Shuffling motion<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0cm;"><span style="color: #050505; font-family: inherit, serif;">Devoid of emotion...</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bch1_Ep5M1s" width="320" youtube-src-id="bch1_Ep5M1s"></iframe></div><br /><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><p></p>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-12993473761142368952020-09-17T23:24:00.000+01:002020-09-17T23:24:00.957+01:00They Swallowed The Lie: Another Song for Covid-19<p> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If we were to cast our minds back 50 years or more, we
might recall a joke song of a slightly scary nature – as it seemed at the time
to the average infant – about the curious gastronomic pursuits of an old lady,
whose inevitable consequential demise was confirmed in spoken word form right
at the end. Stand up and take a bow, Burl Ives - video link below.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: inherit;">On the subject of demise, a fate that awaits us all some day, one
of Lord Sumption’s observations on the government reaction to Covid is that we
have been made to feel an irrational horror of death. Could it be that a lethal
combination of charlatan experts and arse covering politicians, neither having properly
considered whether lockdown might cause greater misfortunes of a different
nature, has induced us to swallow a lie?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Back to that scary song. Pick up the
guitar, strum an opening C chord, and reappraise the lyrics: - <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a whole nation who swallowed a lie<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We all know why they swallowed the lie<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They feared they’d die<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a whole nation who furloughed the labour<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And left a huge bill for the taxpaying neighbour<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They furloughed the labour to back up the lie <span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We all know why they swallowed the lie<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They feared they’d die<span style="mso-tab-count: 5;"> </span><b><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a whole nation who shut all the works<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What absolute berks to shut all the works<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They shut all the works ‘cause they’d furloughed the labour<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And left a huge bill for the taxpaying neighbour<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They furloughed the labour to back up the lie <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We all know why they swallowed the lie<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They feared they’d die<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a whole nation shut hospital wards<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How could they afford to shut hospital wards<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They shut all the wards to save the works (etc)<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a whole nation who shut all the schools<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Such impetuous fools to shut all the schools<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They shut all the schools to save the wards (etc)<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a whole nation who shut all the pubs <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A gratuitous snub when they shut all the pubs<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They shut all the pubs to save the schools (etc)<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a whole nation with mandatory muzzles<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A curious puzzle, inflicting the muzzles<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They inflicted the muzzles to save the pubs<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They shut all the pubs to save the schools<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They shut all the schools to save the wards<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They shut all the wards to save the works<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They shut all the works ‘cause they’d furloughed the labour<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And left a huge bill for the taxpaying neighbour<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They furloughed the labour to back up the lie <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We all know why they swallowed the lie<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They feared they’d die<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a whole nation who took a big knife<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To their quality of life</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zQHmZMf6zwo" width="320" youtube-src-id="zQHmZMf6zwo"></iframe></div><br /><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span><p></p>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-46517702648054679132020-07-14T19:36:00.000+01:002020-07-14T19:36:25.668+01:00Stout Life Revisited, 40 Years On<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is often the case that yesterday’s satire becomes today’s
reality. One shining and somewhat topical example, all about pressure groups
and oppressed minorities, can be found in the classic “Stout Life” sketch from
the genius team who brought us Not The Nine O’Clock News. The chat show host Janny
Shtrait-Pawuh [Pamela Stephenson] is hosting a studio discussion panel
comprising Stout Community representative George Fletcher [Mel Smith] and the
Reverend John “Tubbs” Whiston [Griff Rhys-Jones], a Stout Christian.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The debate before the studio audience is proceeding in
civilised fashion, George having advised an audience member with “a friend who
thinks he might be stout” to squeeze out of the closet and declare his stoutness.
Suddenly, a man in an oversize suit [Rowan Atkinson] stands up and loudly interrupts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“This is all crap! We’ve been sitting here listening to all
this utter rubbish…”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Muttered aside: “Oh no, it’s Ron Miller.” Ranting
continues…)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
George: “Introduce yourself, Ron, this is Ron Miller of the
extremist group FLAB, Fat Louts Against Bikinis.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ron: “Shut up. Listen. Look at this Slimming magazine.
Slimming magazine! This isn’t a million miles from what Adolf Hitler was trying
to do. We demand a fat Prime Minister, more obesity in the media, the banning
of the word ‘ample’. We want the force feeding of skinnies!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
George: “Ron, you’re doing the movement more harm than
good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now sit down!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ron: “Where was the Reverend Whiston at Notting Hill Gate in
’79 during the worst FLAB riots this country has ever seen?” (Vicar mutters in
embarrassment.) “Organising plump discos, I expect.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
George: “Ron, I’m sorry, I’m sorry to be personal, but I
mean, you’re talking about stoutism, but you’re not stout, you’re not even
overweight…"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ron, indignantly: “Oh…”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
George: “…in fact you’re skinny!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ron: “So you have to be fat to be stout, now, do you?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(George and John confer, before concerted retaliation…)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Thin poof!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ron: “I don’t have to take that from you, you great wobblebottom!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Shouting match breaks out all round…)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It would perhaps be circumspect, in the present environment,
to refrain from further comment and let this sketch speak for itself.</div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-59490186262027732862020-05-05T22:36:00.000+01:002020-05-05T22:36:52.128+01:00A Song For Covid-19: Don't Lock Me Down<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">With the UK’s coronavirus cure beginning to look worse
than the disease, and quality of life deteriorating as rapidly as the economy,
the grounds for opposing a further extension of lockdown are, at the very
least, fair and reasonable, and they need not involve citation of the recently
reported rank hypocrisy of epidemiologist Professor Neil Ferguson. There are,
of course, two sides to the story and valid arguments to be made in opposition
to the current regime being relaxed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The opponents of the extension may feel that they are
starting at a disadvantage. After all, the government’s “Stay At Home” mantra
has a certain element of force, even if it has a touch of “four legs good, two
legs bad” about it when closely examined. Perhaps they need to counter it with
a campaign song? I offer a parody of ELO’s “Don’t Bring Me Down” developed for
solo acoustic guitar over the last few days. The original, from their 1979 “Discovery”
album, made it to number 3 in the UK charts 41 years ago, and did not feature a
string section, a rarity for ELO: -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">You’ve stopped me working and I’m out of my mind<br />
You got me drinking loads and wasting my time<br />
Don't lock me down, no no no no no<br />
Can’t stand it no more, stuck here behind this front door<br />
Don't lock me down<br />
<br />
Don’t wanna stay here texting anxious friends<br />
They’re telling me we’ll never see the end<br />
Don't lock me down, no no no no no<br />
It’s really a bore, we’re not all aged eighty four<br />
Don't lock me down<br />
<br />
Don't lock me down, it’s abuse*<br />
Don't lock me down, there’s no excuse<br />
Don't lock me down, cut me loose<br />
Don't lock me down<br />
<br />
What happened to the life we used to know?<br />
We lost our pleasures somewhere down the road<br />
Don't lock me down, no no no no no<br />
Our savings no more, our pensions straight through the floor<br />
Don't lock me down<br />
<br />
The Chinese virus caused this crazy blight<br />
One of these days they’d better make this right<br />
Don't lock me down, no no no no no<br />
They’re asking for war, we need to settle the score<br />
Don't lock me down<br />
<br />
[Chorus]<br />
<br />
Can’t take a walk and have a break on the grass<br />
‘Cause some policeman’s gonna kick your ass<br />
Don't lock me down, no no no no no no no no no<br />
Common sense is no more, they claim we’re breaking the law<br />
Don't lock me down<br />
<br />
You’ve got me ranting, got me wasting away<br />
You’ve got me crawling up the walls every day<br />
Don't lock me down, no no no no no<br />
We’ll tell them once more, and then we’ll break down the door<br />
Don't lock me down<br />
<br />
We’ll tell them once more, and then we’ll break down the door<br />
Don't lock me down<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">* ELO fans and other music aficionados (geeks?) may
recall that the original lyrics simply had the filler word “groos” at the end
of each chorus line. It may or may not have been intended as the German
greeting “Gruss”, and in early live performances Jeff Lynne substituted it with
“Bruce”.</span></div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-24163638509218340152020-03-31T13:46:00.000+01:002020-03-31T13:46:33.440+01:00Coronavirus: Constable Savage reincarnated - as Constable Coward<div class="MsoNormal">
Forty years ago, thanks to the genius and talent of the Not
The Nine O’Clock News team, we were introduced to the parody policeman
Constable Savage, whose bovine stupidity in picking on Mr Winston Codogo for a
series of non-existent offences was matched only by his unyielding belief that
he was carrying out his duties to the letter. He accepted his transfer to a notorious
division of the Met not as a disciplinary sanction, but as if it was the
promotion that he had been awaiting ever since he first put on his uniform. And
he trod on his sergeant’s hedgehog on the way out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here and now, as police interpretation of the Government’s
lockdown guidelines appears – at least in what we can only hope to be a minority
of cases – to have taken on what might politely be described as a creative
element that defies common sense, those of us who remember Rowan Atkinson and
his colleagues at their finest can hopefully be forgiven for believing that
Constable Savage has emerged once again, albeit in the form of his reverse
doppelganger….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Come in, shut the door. Now then, Coward, I
want to talk to you about some charges that you have been bringing lately. I
think that perhaps you’re being a little overzealous.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
CONSTABLE COWARD: Which charges do you mean then, sir?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Well, for instance, this one: loitering
with intent to enter a branch of Asda. Coward, maybe you’re not aware of this,
but it is not illegal to enter a branch of Asda. Neither is not smelling
of hand sanitiser an offence.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: You’re sure, sir?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Also, there is no law against travelling
to work on a public omnibus, or complaining about lockdown without due
care and attention.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: If you say so, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Yes, I do say so, Coward! Didn’t
they teach you anything on your Common Purpose course?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: I’m sorry, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Some of these cases are just plain
stupid: keeping your social distance in a funny way … Is this some
kind of joke, Coward?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: No, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: And we have some more here: walking on
the cracks in the pavement more than 100 yards away from your home, walking
with a barking dog within range of a police drone during the hours of daylight, and walking
around with an offensive father on his 78th birthday. In short, Coward, in the
space of one week you’ve brought 117 ridiculous, trumped-up and ludicrous
charges.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Yes, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Against the same gender neutral person, Coward!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Yes, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: A Mr John Smith of 22 Acacia Avenue.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Yes, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Sit down, Coward!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Yes, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Coward, why do you keep arresting this gender
neutral person?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: They’re a villain, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: A villain …<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: And a jailbird.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: I know they’re a jailbird, Coward. They’re
down in the cells now. We are holding them on a charge of possession of a
recently purchased Cadbury’s Easter egg.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Well, … well, well, well there you are, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: You arrested them, Coward!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Thank you, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Coward, would I be correct in assuming that
Mr Smith is a white Anglo-Saxon protestant with no Equality Act protected
characteristics?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Well, I can’t say I’ve ever noticed, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Coward, you’re a bigot. It’s officers like
you that give the police a bad name. The press love to jump on instances like
that and the reputation of our force can be permanently tarnished. Your whole
time on duty is dominated by bullying the law abiding and picking on soft
targets. Do you get some kind of perverted gratification from going around
stirring up trouble?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Yes, sir!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: There’s no room for men like you in my force,
Coward. I’m transferring you to the Online Hate Speech Hurtful Insults
Taskforce. Now get out!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Thank you, sir.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SERGEANT: Oh, and mind…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
[Loud squelching noise.]</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COWARD: Oh, sorry sir.....is this your Easter egg?</div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-73066804091011012522020-01-14T20:33:00.000+00:002020-01-14T20:33:04.477+00:00RIP Neil Peart<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">RIP Neil Peart, and thank you for all the pleasure
your recorded music, your live shows with Rush and your travel writing have
brought me for nearly 40 years since I first discovered the band via Permanent
Waves. How dreadful to find myself writing these words about an all time
musical hero who has cruelly succumbed to cancer at the age of only 67.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What else can I add to the thousands of tributes that
already have been written? Here goes: a musical anecdote, a travel anecdote
upon which I was able to expand, and a lyrical excerpt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The appearance of Rush in 2003 at the Toronto open air
SARS benefit concert, headlined by the Rolling Stones, was a rare exception to
their aversion to stadium shows. All the more so when they had to play a
curtailed set, and when the constant message running through Neil’s mind when
faced with the band’s home town audience was “just don’t suck”. Let’s take up
the story from “Traveling Music” when Neil is only too aware of the attention
of strangers and the pointing of cameras when they are waiting to take to the
stage…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘Normally that would have driven me mental, but under
the circumstances I hardly noticed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘A short, older man stepped up to me, sticking out his
hand and saying something I couldn’t hear. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">Thinking “now who’s </span><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">this</i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">?”, I
took out one of my ear monitors and said “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘He spoke again, smiling. “Hello, I’m Charlie Watts.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘”Oh”, I said, taken aback. “Hello”, and I shook his
hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘He asked if we were going on soon, and I said yes,
any minute, and he said, with a twinkle, “I’m going to <i>watch</i> you!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘I suppose if I could have felt more pressured, that
might have done it, but I was already at maximum intensity – there was no time
to think of Charlie Watts and the Rolling Stones, watching them on <i>The T.A.M.I
Show</i> or on “Ed Sullivan” when I was twelve and a half, hearing “Satisfaction”
snarling down the midway at Lakeside Park, <i>Gimme Shelter </i>at the cinema in
London, listening to Charlie’s beautiful solo album<i> Warm and Tender</i>so
many times late at night in Quebec, or any of the other million times Charlie
Watts and his band had been part of my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">‘Geddy emailed me later and mentioned that scene: “BTW,
I will never forget that moment before we went onstage when Charlie Watts came
over to shake your hand (at the worst possible moment!) and watching your face
go through all the motions of …a. who is this old guy? b. what does he want? c.
oh, for god’s sakes it’s <i>Charlie Watts!</i>’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now for travel. In 2013, the US National Parks were
subjected to a shutdown in consequence of a political squabble when the
government ran out of money. Neil was part way through a motorcycle trip in
Utah. Having narrowly avoided the worst of the shutdown, he takes up the story via
his daily journals, speaking for every foreign tourist who was similarly put at
risk of having a Parks visit ruined: -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“<span style="background: #EEF4FF; color: #222222;">But
what did these foreigners think of a country in which a few mean-spirited
creeps could hold the entire country hostage—all for the principle of denying
mercy to the suffering (because it </span><em style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">might</em><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"> be “their own fault”—hardly a Christian objection),
while also denying its citizens (and “resident aliens,” as this Canadian is
classified) access to </span><em style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">their</em><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"> property? (A flashing sign inside Bryce Canyon National
Park put it nicely: “</span><span class="smallcapsdarker"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">Welcome to Bryce. Enjoy Your Park.</span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">”) These foreign visitors, like the American seniors who also
visit the national parks outside the summer months, might have waited all their
lives for this one opportunity. And there are tens of thousands of Americans,
especially in the West, whose livelihoods are tied to the national parks.”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; float: none; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: #EEF4FF; color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As I went on to
describe in one of my own blog entries from late 2013: -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: #EEF4FF; color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #EEF4FF;">
<span style="background: #EEF4FF; color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Expanding his theme, NP goes on to suggest that
those “few, miserable damaged egos” who caused the Parks shutdown and displayed
such disregard for its consequential effect on intending visitors ought to wear
T-shirts bearing a slogan otherwise only fit for renegade bikers and surly
rednecks, namely “Do I Look Like I Give A Fornication?” How neat to see this
“expression of pure evil” producing the eminently pronounceable acronym
“DILLIGAF”.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #EEF4FF;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #EEF4FF; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">So as I think back
to how my own recent USA trip was almost ruined, and then reflect in turn on
the way that we are governed here in the UK by a political class and an
administrative machine that all too often appears to have little regard to the
practical impact of its conduct on those who have to pay for it, may I suggest
that the acronym is upgraded to a noun?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #EEF4FF; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #EEF4FF; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">“Dilligaf”: a
politician or official who, having acted quite unreasonably, reacts with
deliberate indifference or hostility to the plight of someone suffering
materially as a result of that act.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #EEF4FF; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #EEF4FF; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Finally, to lyrics.
Having posted an excerpt from “The Garden” on my Facebook page, consciously
choosing the last song on Clockwork Angels, the last Rush studio album, I will
end with an excerpt from “Anthem”, the first song on Fly By Night, Neil’s first
album with the band: -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #EEF4FF; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">“Know your place in
life is where you want to be<br />
Don't let them tell you that you owe it all to me<br />
Keep on looking forward, no use in looking round<br />
Hold your head above the crowd and they won't bring you down<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Anthem of the heart
and anthem of the mind<br />
A funeral dirge for eyes gone blind<br />
We marvel after those who sought<br />
The wonders in the world, wonders in the world<br />
Wonders in the world they wrought…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Neil Peart, 12.9.52
– 7.1.20.</span></div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-51957094004311887642019-12-26T11:25:00.001+00:002019-12-26T11:25:19.798+00:00Christmas Free Book DownloadsFree downloads for Christmas. Craven Conflict available via KDP here: -<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Craven-Conflict-David-Cooper-ebook/dp/B015GGRUBE/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=craven+conflict&qid=1577359336&s=digital-text&sr=1-1">https://www.amazon.co.uk/Craven-Conflict-David-Cooper-ebook/dp/B015GGRUBE/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=craven+conflict&qid=1577359336&s=digital-text&sr=1-1</a><br />
<br />
Hatred Ridicule & Contempt available via Smashwords here: -<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/335410">https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/335410</a><br />
<br />
Infernal Coalition available via Smashwords here: -<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/301537">https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/301537</a>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-70628375695598955322019-09-15T23:59:00.000+01:002019-09-15T23:59:57.619+01:00Boris Johnson, EU Remain Hypocrisy, and the Harper Valley PTAIf Dolly Parton was the second female singer to top the US Billboard Hot 100 and the US Hot Country Singles chart with the same song, “9 to 5” in 1981, who was the first? The answer, Jeannie C.Riley with <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOZPBUu7Fro">“Harper Valley PTA”</a> in 1968, also a one hit wonder in the UK after the song reached No 12.<br />
<br />
The <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harper_Valley_PTA">story behind the song</a> was how a widowed mother, criticised for her lifestyle and her miniskirts (!) by members of the local parent teacher association, confronted them at a PTA meeting and called each of them out for their blatant hypocrisy. That was indeed, in the singer’s words, “the day my mama socked it to the Harper Valley PTA”.
<br />
<br />
The widowed mother’s name was Mrs Johnson. By some curious coincidence 51 years later, we have a Mr Johnson – Boris, of course – under attack for his leadership of the UK and in particular his approach to Brexit. His attackers include the official and unofficial opposition, members of his own party who have recently become ex-members, the Speaker of the House of Commons, European leaders and EU functionaries. Their universal message is that Boris is wrong, in the wrong, and indeed in the wrong for being wrong. By necessary implication, they all assert that they know best and that the UK electorate would be better governed by people like them than by a Boris government. But their own track records only serve to display their hypocrisy.<br />
<br />
Here’s how Boris might call them out, in Harper Valley PTA fashion: -<br />
<br />
Boris Johnson was in Downing Street<br />
And hard at work one Monday afternoon<br />
Contemplating how the UK<br />
Would escape the chains of Brussels really soon<br />
When the Chief Whip came up running<br />
In a panic that was verging on insane<br />
For he had brought with him a message<br />
From the forces of European Remain<br />
<br />
“For three years we’ve been scheming hard<br />
To overturn that referendum vote<br />
We hoped the Chequers Plan would sabotage<br />
The Brexit dream, and leave us free to gloat<br />
So we’re really quite indignant<br />
At your attitude to running the UK”<br />
And it was signed by all the backers<br />
Of European Union Remain<br />
<br />
Well, Boris’s reaction<br />
Was to commandeer the airwaves that same day<br />
“How dare these forces of malevolence<br />
Pour scorn upon my leadership this way<br />
Once there’s a General Election<br />
I will make my glorious vision really plain<br />
And this is how I’ll take the fight<br />
To the supporters of European Remain”<br />
<br />
“The Referendum leaflet said that<br />
‘We will implement what you decide’<br />
I’m not prepared to lead a government<br />
Proclaiming ‘we’re so sorry, but we lied’<br />
I’m bringing optimistic purpose<br />
That was sadly lacking in Theresa May<br />
And that shady bunch of characters<br />
Who call for European Remain”<br />
<br />
“The IRA supporting Marxist can’t decide<br />
If he’s for Leave or for Remain<br />
And there’s that poundshop Jimmy Krankie<br />
Who’d take Scotland for a journey down the drain<br />
And those feeble whipless rebels<br />
Who have authored their own unlamented fate<br />
And that purple featured pipsqueak of a Speaker<br />
Who’s been rigging the debates”<br />
<br />
“Merkel’s Germany’s been swamped<br />
By an invasion of illegal immigrants<br />
And little Macron has the Gilets Jaunes<br />
Rioting on the streets all over France<br />
All the Mediterranean nations<br />
Have a truly dreadful unemployment rate<br />
And noble Greece has been reduced<br />
To a pathetic and subservient vassal state”<br />
<br />
“We see Verhofstadt, we see Barnier<br />
The people never chose them for their roles<br />
Just like that drunkard, Jean Claude Juncker<br />
Who takes brandy with his breakfast, so we’re told<br />
And then you have the nerve to tell me<br />
As a leader you don’t think that I am fit<br />
Well, you’re all living in Cloud Cuckoo Land<br />
You anti-democratic hypocrites”<br />
<br />
That was just the kind of spirit<br />
We’ve awaited for so long in the UK<br />
The day that Boris socked it to<br />
The supporters of European RemainDavid Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-9889393466281959752019-07-14T13:43:00.001+01:002019-07-14T13:43:58.836+01:00Smashwords Summer Sale: half price offer for Hatred Ridicule & Contempt and Infernal CoalitionInterested in some half price legal fiction via Smashwords? You're in luck - thanks to their summer sale, there's a chance to get hold of both Hatred Ridicule & Contempt and Infernal Coalition for $0.99 each. For more details, click on the link <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/335410">here</a>.David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-86917906399162521612019-01-26T17:35:00.000+00:002019-01-31T12:37:36.245+00:00Philip Hammond and Amber Rudd: the Bonnie and Clyde of British politics?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">What’s the
difference between Cabinet Ministers Philip Hammond and Amber Rudd, and American
gangsters from the Great Depression era Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow? Hmm.
Let’s think. One of those couples started off as a minor irritation before progressing
to become a confounded nuisance, rejoicing in their own arrogance as they
defied public opinion, and eventually met a gruesome sticky end. The other
couple were a pair of American gangsters…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hang on,
that’s not quite right. Hammond and Rudd have not met a gruesome sticky end. Not
yet, anyway. But their determined efforts to defy the result of the Brexit
referendum might mean that their political careers are hanging by a thread. Hammond
has hinted this week at resignation if the UK leaves the EU on WTO terms (he
probably said “No Deal” but there is no need to encourage use of this
misleading phrase), and Rudd only has a 346 majority in her Hastings & Rye seat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">If it were
to be fair to suggest that Hammond and Rudd are fast becoming the Bonnie and
Clyde of British politics – and it may indeed be fair – the lyrics of Georgie
Fame’s 1967 No 1 single “The Ballad of Bonnie and Clyde” are too tempting to
ignore when there is a parody in the air, especially when it looks like a good
fit for solo acoustic guitar: -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hammond and
Rudd were shifty looking people<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And I can
tell you people<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">They were Remainers’
sweethearts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hammond and Rudd
began their evil scheming<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">While
Theresa May was dreaming <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Down Westminster
way<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">They mocked
the vote<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And spread
their gloom around town<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Got clean
away in the Cabinet<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And wouldn’t
let the heat die down<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hammond and
Rudd enhanced the consternation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And made the
graduation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Into the
wrecking business<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Brexit's no good”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Sour talking
Rudd would holler<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">As Hammond
played the scholar<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of sabotage<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The scared
PM<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So weak, she
left them alone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">They dragged
her crying through a pool of mud<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And laughed
about her feeble groans<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hammond and
Rudd got to be public enemy number one<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Rudely
defying their own manifesto when Leave had won<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">They used to
laugh about Brexit<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">But deep
inside them they knew<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That if they
ruined the exit<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">They’d hit
the ground together<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Burning in
Hades and shamefully supping the devil’s brew<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Acting upon
a tide of indignation<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The forces
of the nation laid a deadly ambush<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For Hammond
and Rudd – ‘twas Hammond’s deselection<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And Rudd’s
robust rejection at the ballot box<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hammond and
Rudd<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Remainers
close together<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And now they’re
gone together<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">For good<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-2095651915096949662018-09-06T08:04:00.000+01:002018-09-06T08:04:44.121+01:00Tom Lehrer, Tom Jones - and a Boris Johnson campaign song<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">How might the American singer/songwriter and satirist
Tom Lehrer bring inspiration to British political leadership campaigns?
Probably not by suggesting that enthusiastic support for poisoning pigeons in
the park would be a keynote environmental vote winner. But if we were to
combine his spoken introductions to “Oedipus Rex” and “It Makes A Fellow Proud
To Be A Soldier”, we might find a clue for our theme: “…and I am convinced that
the only reason for the failure of this candidate’s leadership bid last time
around….you’re way ahead of me…is that he did not have a rousing campaign song
with which to rally his potential followers.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Let us apply this theory to – you’re way ahead of me –
the case of a well known current aspirant to the Conservative leadership, and
borrow a song from another famous singer by the name of Tom. “The Young New
Mexican Puppeteer” was a hit for Tom Jones in 1972, reaching number 6 in the UK
charts. A few lyrical amendments may go down well with Boris supporters, and of
course badly with Boris haters…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">In the Palace of Westminster<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Worked a most concerned MP<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He said lately I have noticed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The PM hardly speaks for me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">She spreads the gloom from her advisers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“The UK can’t survive alone”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He said “I’ll lift the people’s spirits<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">With Brexit vision of my own”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The blond Conservative Brexiteer<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He saw the people all live in fear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He thought that maybe they’d listen to <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Boris telling them what to do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">So he got to grips with Remain falsehood<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He made some speeches and he was good<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And folks came running so they could hear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">The blond Conservative Brexiteer<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">First he quit the Foreign Office<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“The Chequers Plan’s a steaming turd”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Then he echoed Winston Churchill<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">“Take back control, embrace the world”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Determined as the Iron Lady<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Convinced the battle would be won<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">He knew he’d smile with satisfaction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When Theresa May was gone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Chorus]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Now his speaking skills were clever<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And he gave the people hope<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When he got across the message<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">To make the most of Brexit’s scope<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">They voted for him in their millions<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And he smashed Corbyn and the Reds<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And then they wrote him up in all the papers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">And this is what the story said<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">[Chorus]</span></div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-33138505813302273242018-07-03T16:32:00.000+01:002018-07-03T16:32:19.131+01:00Literary Lawyers - a holiday reading treble<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">How
coincidental to find myself with not just one fellow solicitor’s published
writing for a holiday reading session, but three. All of which were well worth
it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">First up,
retired solicitor Richard Wrenn and <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/TRUST-BETRAYED-Mitcham-Saga-Book-ebook/dp/B076VQLLFW/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1530631632&sr=1-1&keywords=trust+betrayed">“Trust Betrayed”</a>. As the Law Society Gazette
asked, </span><span style="color: #575757; line-height: 107%;">“is it possible to write
a highly readable novel in which the central premise is breach of the
Solicitors’ Accounts Rules in 1982? Surprisingly, the answer is most certainly
yes.</span>” Just take an ambitious young law firm partner, his older colleague
whose flexible financial practices are about to catch up with him in telling
fashion, and the younger partner’s fiancée – coincidentally, the older partner’s
daughter – and imagine the dynamics when the attempted cover up only makes the
original deceit far worse and its repercussions worse still.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never a dull moment, and the backwater
setting only adds to the intrigue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">A completely
different theme, however, for Geoff Steward’s <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Search-Nice-Americans-Geoff-Steward-ebook/dp/B0741MLT15/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1530631727&sr=1-1&keywords=in+search+of+nice+americans">“In Search of Nice Americans”</a> – a
US road trip with a musical undercurrent, enabled by a three month sabbatical
from the law, and guaranteed to strike many right notes. The Nashville stretch
brings back my own fond memories of the Opry, Lower Broadway and the Hermitage,
alongside the author’s sadly fruitless trip to the Bluebird Café inspired by
the characters of the Nashville TV drama including “that bitch Juliette Barnes”
(hint: book online for the evening performances a week ahead – I managed it
twice). So how many nice Americans did the search reveal? Read it and find out,
and don’t miss out on a trip to Savannah just because the Forrest Gump bench is
no longer in Chippewa Square – there’s a replica in the History Museum.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">What about
the dilemma that every solicitor in private practice may encounter at some
stage in their career, namely whether to strive for partnership rather than
settle for a lifetime of employee status? Well, Tom Vaughan MacAulay’s <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Being-Simon-Haines-Vaughan-MacAulay-ebook/dp/B072638Z35/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1530631793&sr=1-1&keywords=being+simon+haines">“Being
Simon Haines”</a> takes the former to extremes – the quest for that ultimate prize
at the City boutique firm Fiennes & Plunkett takes the form of “The
Campaign”, where the hope of the single glittering prize pitches rival
candidates against each other in a remorseless grind of 24/7 client work.
Quality of life? Short pause for laughter, please. Or more accurately, short
pause for a long awaited break in Cuba for Simon as the partners assess his
Campaign performance alongside the efforts of his rivals, despicable Angus
Peterson and sensible Emma Morris. (Tom’s presumed happy personal experience of
Cuba is in marked contrast to my own from 8 years ago, but that’s another story…)
<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">So what made
“Being Simon Haines” a particularly appealing read? In my own debut, <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hatred-Ridicule-Contempt-David-Cooper-ebook/dp/B00634M4BU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1530631861&sr=1-1&keywords=hatred+ridicule">“Hatred Ridicule
& Contempt”</a>, recently elevated law firm partner Alex Harris found himself
with unexpected enemies – his own fellow partners – who were looking for
convenient scapegoats when their law firm ran into difficulties. He had arrived
at his destination. What would he, and indeed what would Simon Haines, think of
Robert Louis Stevenson’s famous words of wisdom from Virginibus Puerisque in
1881, “Little do ye know your own blessedness; for to travel hopefully is a
better thing than to arrive”? That is the question.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Before I
forget, a resounding five stars for all three.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-44293647872834538882018-01-16T22:23:00.000+00:002018-01-16T22:23:20.690+00:00Marrakesh Express revisited: a song for Stop HS2<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Well, fancy that. Having thought for many years that “Marrakesh
Express” by Crosby, Stills & Nash was a song about indulging in Morocco’s
finest (by which I do not mean tagine), I now find that Graham Nash was inspired
by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marrakesh_Express">an actual train journey</a> he made in 1966, southbound from Casablanca.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Fast forward by fifty years to the present day, and we
find HS2 proceeding at full steam ahead in the UK. Or at least it was until
Carillion collapsed yesterday. Might this be an opportunity for the political
class to admit that HS2 is nothing but an unaffordable vanity project that
ought to be derailed with all due alacrity? Time will tell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Perhaps this is where Stop HS2 and any associated campaigns
might find themselves in need of an inspiring song to help get the message
through. With grateful acknowledgment to Crosby, Stills & Nash for the
original, here’s a lyrical contribution in reverse parody style – from a joyful
rail journey to a joyless rail project – that keeps as close as possible to the
sound and structure of Marrakesh Express. And it works on solo acoustic guitar,
if slowed down a touch and played in Nashville listening room style – at least
it did for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Looking at England through patronising eyes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Plan to drive the train through unspoilt countryside<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Ducks and pigs and chickens flee<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Animal carnage plain to see<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Equestrian ladies scatter, black and blue<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Talking cobblers from the dark depths of our mind<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Keen to get away with grand designs unkind<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Hope our pack of lies ahead<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Keeps you back and well misled<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Listen not to what we’ve said to you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Don't you know we're riding on the HS2 Express</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Don’t
you know we’re riding on the HS2 Express<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Inflicting
much unpleasantness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">All on board the gravy train<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">All on board the gravy train<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We’ll be squandering all your money just to take you
there<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">We sell you garbage and despair<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Plot the train from Manchester going south<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Blowing smokescreens from the corners of my, my, my,
my, my mouth<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Noise pollution hangs in the air<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Thundering locos shake the square<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Country dwellers, we’ll knock down their homes (don’t
want to hear you now)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Don’t you know we’re riding on the HS2 Express<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Don’t you know we’re riding on the HS2 Express<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s burning money to excess<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Don’t you know we’re riding on the HS2 Express<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Don’t you know we’re riding on the HS2 Express<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Vanity project of distress<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">All on board the gravy train<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">All on board the gravy train</span>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-82290132377282019782017-07-23T15:21:00.001+01:002017-07-23T15:21:43.763+01:00Hannah Aldridge - a musical talent undiscovered (for how much longer?)<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What’s the connection between Muscle Shoals, near
Birmingham, Alabama, USA and Kings Heath, Birmingham, UK? A minor clue: go via
Nashville. Yes, it’s music, and to be more specific, it’s a show in a small
local venue last week. Few UK music fans may have heard of 29 year old Alabama singer
songwriter <a href="https://hannah-aldridge.myshopify.com/">Hannah Aldridge</a>, but if Americana – a fusion of folk, country,
blues, rock & roll – ever gains wider attention in the UK, she would surely be in the
forefront.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let’s start in Alsager, near Stoke on Trent. We’d found out
that Don Gallardo and his band, who happened to be playing at Nashville’s
celebrated Bluebird Café when we made it there 8 weeks ago, were on a UK tour.
Their opening act, playing a half hour slot with no back up other than her own
acoustic guitar, was Hannah Aldridge. There was something captivating about
her, reinforced by her CDs Razor Wire and Gold Rush which she gratefully signed
for us after her performance. When we found out that she would be at the
Kitchen Garden in Kings Heath a week later, this time as a headliner, this was
an opportunity not to be missed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What about Hannah Aldridge’s music? OK, think of any
Fleetwood Mac song led by Stevie Nicks. Think of songs from the Nashville TV
series performed by Juliette or Scarlett – that’s high praise, by the way, the
songs combine perfectly with the musical politics and family tribulations to
make prime time TV. Add in her own main influence, Jackson Browne, and a
complicated life story. That’s a lot to go on. But after listening to the two
CDs in full, both with full conventional band support, how would she get on as
a headliner when it would once again be only her and a guitar?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We needn’t have worried. The Kitchen Garden had certain
similarities with the Bluebird – definitely a listening room rather than a bar
with a stage. It was one of those up close and personal performances. And once
again it was captivating. As she said in an interview, “I think people really
enjoy that I treat my audience like we are in my living room.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Best songs? OK, let’s take two from each album. From ‘Gold
Rush’, there’s ‘I Know Too Much’, and ‘Burning Down Birmingham’, the latter
definitely not a commemoration of the Handsworth riots or anything related to
civil rights, but an old flame song enabling the audience to join in and chant
the chorus. And from ‘Razor Wire’, let’s go for ‘Parchman’, where Hannah stood
in the shoes of a woman on death row who had killed her abusive husband, and ‘Howlin’
Bones’, where she bravely abandoned her microphone and went entirely unplugged
to close the show – and it worked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If she does make it back over to the UK with her
band, as she promised she would, she’ll hopefully be winning a whole new
audience. And I’ll finish with a message to Simon Cowell. If you’re looking to
find what could be the next well received trend for UK live music, you could do
a lot worse than try Americana – and give Hannah Aldridge a slot on one of the
X Factor’s live shows.</span></span></div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-54436499711320749052017-06-29T23:14:00.000+01:002017-06-29T23:14:03.816+01:00Nashville: Two Nights At The Bluebird – A View From The UK<div class="MsoNormal">
For anyone in search of live music in Nashville, the
possibilities are of course endless. The Grand Ole Opry will need no
introduction, nor indeed should the Ryman Auditorium. Honky Tonk Highway on
lower Broadway speaks for itself, and many hopeful buskers will be plying their
trade. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And thanks to the Nashville TV series, there’s one venue that
will by now have gained a far higher profile with the world at large – the
Bluebird Café, out on Hillsboro Pike. No, it’s not an imaginary venue once
dreamed up by an inspired scriptwriter. As the high profile artists who have
performed there in front of an audience of 90 would confirm, it’s most
certainly real. One key point from its website’s FAQ: “The Bluebird is a
listening room. Too much conversation distracts listeners and is disrespectful
to the songwriters who form the backbone of our music community.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So when our recent USA holiday was all set to finish with
four nights in Nashville, at the end of a scenic drive through Virginia and
Tennessee, a night at the Bluebird was a must do. The only realistic chance of
making it happen was to get in the cyber queue exactly a week ahead of the show,
click on Book Tickets, and hope for the best…and it worked. Twice, to be exact,
once for an orthodox stage performance, and once for an in the round session
three days later (with Veterans’ Night at the Opry in between).<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now for the experience itself. The TV series might give the
impression that the Bluebird is relatively spacious. When you arrive at the
small and unobtrusive front door amid a row of shops, and take your first look
inside, it’s time to think again. It’s almost a Tardis in reverse, especially
when the occupant of the next table takes the trouble to introduce himself
before his right knee accidentally does so of its own accord. But that’s no bad
thing. It adds so much to the atmosphere, all the more so once we realised that
our table was right next to the stage, almost within touching distance of the
band.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before the show, a decent burger and fries, good beer and
cocktails, and friendly service. Then Don Gallardo and his band took to the
stage. Four accomplished musicians with a repertoire of modern country songs.
No familiar material to anticipate when hearing the band for the first time
ever, but when they’re performing right in front of you, still at a comfortable
volume, it’s quite an experience. Exactly like the TV show, in fact. Best song
had to be North Dakota Blues – shades of Mark Knopfler. Once the set was over,
they signed CDs for the audience, and Don told us that he’d be on a UK tour in
the near future. See you at the Alsager Americana, Don…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So three days later, nursing memories of Trace Adkins and
Charlie Daniels and others from the Opry show on the night before, we were back
for the in the round session. Featured performers, Bruce Arntson, Michael
Kelsh, Thom Schuyler and Jack Sundrud. Three guitarists, one keyboard player,
seated in a circle in the centre of the Bluebird and alternating two hours’
worth of songs and anecdotes from their lengthy careers in the music business.
One particularly memorable song, Thom Schuyler’s “My Least Favourite Things”,
taking the Sound of Music classic and reversing its sentiments with a flow of biting
satire. I can still recall the outburst of laughter for “most of the music of
Andrew Lloyd-Webber…”<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Four weeks on, and it’s still hard to believe we made it to
the Bluebird, not once but twice. It has to be one of the great Nashville
experiences.<o:p></o:p></div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-31906747661940391732017-06-07T22:41:00.000+01:002017-06-07T22:41:22.535+01:00Advice To Writers & Jon Winokur - big thanksBelated shout out to Advice To Writers and its owner Jon Winokur for publishing my recent Q&A style interview, covering how I started out as a writer, my influences, my best writing advice to others and many more topics. It's always flattering to be invited to participate in promotional activities such as this, especially under a banner "Writerly Wisdom Of The Ages".<br />
<br />
Here's the link: -<br />
<br />
http://www.advicetowriters.com/interviews/2017/5/23/david-cooper.htmlDavid Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-87800282623578112192017-04-17T22:21:00.001+01:002017-04-17T22:21:26.799+01:00Another storming review - this time for Craven Conflict<div class="MsoNormal">
Thanks once again to Jonathan S for another Amazon/Kindle review, this time for Craven Conflict: -</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Thoroughly Enjoyable</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"If you are not interested in the workings of our legal system in general, civil litigation, skulduggery and disability discrimination at work in particular, then this book is not for you. If you don’t like the emergence early on of pompous and treacherous central characters who you just hope get their comeuppance, then this book is not for you. However, if any or all of these chime with what you look for in a novel then this book is most definitely for you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"This is the third novel by David Cooper and each one presents real people facing very real but adverse legal situations, and is written with insider knowledge that makes every page thoroughly believable and involving. If you know someone with Asperger’s (as I do) you appreciate how even the simplest tasks and everyday situations can become overwhelming, and at one point you see it all unravelling for Paul Craven, but the way he battles with disability, the skill of a razor-sharp barrister, and an ending where justice prevails, make this a thoroughly enjoyable page turner. Can’t wait for the next one from this author.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once more, what can I say, other than “here’s the link”?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;"><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B015GGRUBE"><span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;">http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B015GGRUBE</span></a></span></div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-5427863491065633362017-04-04T23:05:00.001+01:002017-04-04T23:05:12.198+01:00Storming review for Hatred Ridicule & Contempt<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thanks to Jonathan S for posting the following review of Hatred Ridicule & Contempt on Amazon: -</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111;">"This was one of the most enjoyable books I’ve read in a long, long time. You have to be interested in the legal genre but don’t need to be a lawyer to savour a story with two distinct but interwoven themes.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111;">There’s a successful, mid-size provincial law firm run by a management committee that you just love to hate, butting heads with a newly appointed partner with the clarity of thought and purpose to cut through the pomposity and, ultimately, corrupt behaviour of his colleagues, and a thoroughly involving libel case which moves from running in the background to occupying a well-deserved centre stage position.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111;">This book moves along at a cracking pace and while there’s a lot of legal detail, the narrative is easy to read and makes for a real page turner.</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As I got near the end of the book, I felt a genuine sense of loss that I would soon finish such a great read, so I consoled myself by buying David Cooper’s other two books which promise all the quality of his first novel. Really worthy of a 5-star review."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">What more can I say, other than "here's the link"?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hatred-Ridicule-Contempt-David-Cooper-ebook/dp/B00634M4BU/</span></span>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-8640589085696786312017-01-18T13:42:00.001+00:002017-01-18T13:42:39.003+00:00RIP Peter Sarstedt - and a Richard Littlejohn tributeFarewell to Peter Sarstedt, the artist behind one of the most unlikely one hit wonders of the Sixties, combining acoustic guitar, accordion and the tale of a jet setter who rose from humble origins. There is no doubt that Where Do You Go To My Lovely will be a memorable legacy.<br />
<br />
One jet setter who rose from less humble origins is of course our former Prime Minister Tony Blair. His claim to the contrary sits somewhat uneasily with the fact that his supposed football hero Jackie Milburn had retired long before Blair could have cheered him from the terraces at St James' Park. Likewise the public school education. But at least this has inspired <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-4126572/RICHARD-LITTLEJOHN-Tony-Blair-Movie.html">Richard Littlejohn</a> to portray Blair as the central character in a rewrite of the song, no doubt by way of tribute to Peter Sarstedt: -<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">You walk like George Dubya Bush does<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">In jeans ball-crushingly tight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">You dance like Gordon Brown’s sidekick<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">On Strictly on Saturday nights.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">(Yes, you do.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">You bought an overpriced mansion<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">In fashionable Connaught Square<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Where you keep your Rolling Stones records<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Even though you never go there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">(No, you don’t)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">So where do you go to my lovely,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">When you’re not in your Bayswater bed<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Do you ever feel the slightest bit guilty<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Over some of the things that you’ve said?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">(Do you care?)…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Great. Make sure to read all the way to the end in the link if you want to find out where RL knows the lovely Blair goes to. But I still think that my Essex Girl version of the song from September 2013 is better by far: -<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;">
<span style="color: #222222; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">You
talk like Denise Van Outen<br />
And you dance nothing like Fred Astaire <br />
Your clothes are all made by Primark <br />
And there’s bling and fake pearls in your hair, yes there are <br />
<br />
You live in a run down apartment <br />
On a Brentwood council estate <br />
Where you keep your R&B records <br />
And you play them full blast when it’s late, yes you do<br />
<br />
But where do you go to my chavling <br />
When you've thrown up in your bed <br />
Tell me the thoughts that surround you <br />
I won’t find much inside your head, no I won’t <br />
<br />
I see you’ve no qualifications <br />
From the bog standard school down the street <br />
And the picture you knocked off from Poundland<br />
Your lack of taste stands out a treat, yes it does <br />
<br />
When you go on your summer vacation <br />
You go to Club Med for the booze<br />
With your carefully designed string bikini <br />
You show off your frightful tattoos, on your back and on your legs. <br />
<br />
And when the snow falls you'll party in Essex <br />
With the others of the chav set <br />
And you neck down your Bacardi Breezers <br />
You spill them and get your tits wet, yes you do <br />
<br />
But where do you go to my chavling <br />
When you've thrown up in your bed <br />
Tell me the thoughts that surround you <br />
I won’t find much inside your head, no I won’t <br />
<br />
Your name is heard in low places <br />
You know a baron from Tilbury Dock <br />
He gave you a vajazzle for Christmas <br />
And you keep it just for a shock, for a laugh, ha-ha-ha <br />
<br />
They say that when you get married <br />
It'll be on reality TV<br />
And they’ll certainly know where you came from <br />
So OK! will fund it for free, yes they will <br />
<br />
But where do you go to my chavling <br />
When you've thrown up in your bed <br />
Tell me the thoughts that surround you <br />
I won’t find much inside your head, no I won’t <br />
<br />
I remember the back streets of Harlow <br />
Two teenagers dressed in fake tat<br />
Both touched with a burning ambition <br />
To get pregnant and a new council flat, yes they were<br />
<br />
So look into my face, Chardonnay<br />
And remember just who you are <br />
Then go live your mad life forever <br />
But I know you still bear the scars, deep inside, from your tattoos <br />
<br />
I know where you go to my chavling <br />
When you’ve thrown up in your bed <br />
I know the thoughts that surround you <br />
`Cause I can’t find much inside your head.</span></div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-63773224721040143342016-12-20T23:43:00.000+00:002016-12-20T23:43:23.019+00:00Craven Conflict: a pre-Christmas bargainFor the run up to Christmas, Craven Conflict is going to be half price on the Kindle Countdown deal.<br />
<br />
If you're searching for a good legal suspense drama, and you've already read every one of John Grisham's novels, or if you'd rather read something set in the UK, look no further.<br />
<br />
Here's the Amazon link: <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Craven-Conflict-David-Cooper-ebook/dp/B015GGRUBE/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1482277204&sr=1-1&keywords=craven+conflict">https://www.amazon.co.uk/Craven-Conflict-David-Cooper-ebook/dp/B015GGRUBE/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1482277204&sr=1-1&keywords=craven+conflict</a>David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648481739151186523.post-26064271703136486452016-10-30T23:28:00.002+00:002016-10-30T23:28:30.310+00:00Yellowstone National Park: a near near death experience<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">No, that’s not a clerical error. All will be revealed
shortly. But let’s set the scene first.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yellowstone National Park is dangerous. An unwary visitor
could be eaten by a bear. Or fatally gored by a bison. There are plenty of
opportunities to plunge to inadvertent doom from high places, such as the lava
terraces at Mammoth Hot Springs or the cliff edges at the Park’s own Grand
Canyon. And of course there is the option for a scorcher of a demise via the
endless supply of boiling water and steam from the geysers, not forgetting the
volcanic hot spots lurking beneath the surface.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But it would be a travesty to think of Yellowstone as
Beelzebub’s Backyard in all but name. For the thousands of sensible visitors
who take the trouble to make the journey to the far north west corner of
Wyoming, it’s a sightseeing spectacular. Few would need to be told that it is inadvisable
to step too close to a wild animal or a steep drop. And for anyone not quite
tuned into the risks involved in straying off limits on a geyser basin, where
the danger is sometimes more latent than visible, the boardwalks and their
signs ought to bring the point home beyond all reasonable doubt.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Or so we thought…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It did not take long to realise, on our first full day in
the park, that the “selfie” craze had arrived on an industrial scale. I will
simply observe that the vast majority of its perpetrators were tourists for
whom English would not have been their first language, and leave it at that.
What made it so bizarre in a place like Yellowstone, as they poured off the
coaches and homed in on the viewpoints with their weapons of mass observation
primed for attack, is the plentiful supply of scenery that surely cries out for
silent admiration and the occasional well judged photo to preserve the memory.
Ideally, with as little human presence in the frame as possible. How much true
enjoyment of an adventurous holiday destination can seriously be preserved in
hundreds of grinning face smartphone shots is one of those impossible
conundrums. “This is one of me, my other half, and a few more of my friends at
Yellowstone National Park – no idea what that steamy thing is behind me…”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So there we were in the Upper Geyser Basin, heading off on a
late afternoon walk that began on the boardwalks reaching out from the Old
Faithful Inn, hoping to reach Morning Glory Pool and return before the daylight
ran out. On the far side of the Firehole River, looking back towards the Inn
and the eponymous geyser, the photo opportunities are plentiful. A point that
had clearly not been lost on the group of overseas visitors whom we walked past,
as they continued their quest to crowd as much human flesh as possible into
their smartphone screens without completely losing all of the grey mist and the
rocky thermal crust. What was that feature in their immediate foreground, with
the Inn and the most famous of the geysers distantly visible? Oh yes, Dragon Spring,
how very…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But what on earth? Is that really one of them marching out
over the crust, smartphone in hand, towards a crater that has the unmistakable
look of a geyser outlet or a thermal pool? Is he seriously glancing back to
make sure his companions are framing him in a good shot? And are they making
moves to step off the boardwalk too? Yes, yes and yes…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What happened next is something of a blur. I can just about
recall that after the first few seconds of utter disbelief, we combined
frenzied gestures and forceful exhortations to stop them in their tracks and
persuade them to get back on the boardwalk with a degree of considerable
alacrity. Whatever damage their feet may have inflicted on thousand year old
fragile thermal crust in the process, they made it. In a later Facebook post, I
noted that “DANGEROUS!” ought now to have become part of the main culprit’s
limited knowledge of the English language. My wife had the last word: “Dangerous
wasn’t the only thing you shouted.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Following a few nods and mutterings that we took to be
thanks, we left it at that and decided to put as much distance between us and
them as possible. Had there been a convenient “Report A Blissfully Ignorant
Suicidal Moron” hotline to the Park Rangers within easy reach, we would have
made full use. But with a citizens’ arrest not being a sensible option (is this
available on US soil for one foreign visitor to carry out on another?), we had
little choice other than to draw a line under our near near death experience –
now you’ll get it – and move on. It was at least well worth then making the
trek out to Morning Glory Pool before the blizzards set to work on the way back
to the Inn.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">To conclude on a sober note and dispel any suggestion of
exaggeration, here’s a link to a </span><a href="http://www.latimes.com/nation/nationnow/la-na-yellowstone-death-20160609-snap-story.html"><span style="font-family: inherit;">June 2016 fatality</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> at the Norris Geyser Basin,
another thermal wonderland not far from Old Faithful. Key sentence: “Efforts to
recover the body…..were suspended…..after rangers determined there were no
remains left in the hot spring.”</span></span></div>
David Cooperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12556751048404744740noreply@blogger.com0